


Broken Mirror

by Eluvian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3569390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eluvian/pseuds/Eluvian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is about right after the trip to Crestwood after the Temple of Mythal where Solas had told her that he had been distracting her from her duty and left her. Memories and questions...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote that at night by candlelight (literally) because somehow I had to express the sorrow and helplessness of my girl. It was partly my own sorrow and helplessness, but it's the point of a role playing game, isn't it? It's not easy to deal with moments such like this, but totally worth it.

She was just staring at the patterns on the ceiling motionless. She watched the curtain which waved as the wind blew from the balcony. It looked like the ocean in a terrible storm, the water ready to cover and devour everything. Even her. And at that moment, she felt ready to let herself drown. It would be cold at first, than like a calming embrace.

 

She couldn't harden her soul. She couldn't. She knew she would have to, but a mortal soul doesn't work that simple. In one moment, she wanted to forget thus being able to focus on the task at hand, as she was expected. But later, she didn't want to. She wanted an explanation. Why?

 

She knew there was something... something beyond the veil of emptiness, the pretending, the false illusion of normality.

 

With every strength she stood up, walking to the standing mirror next to one of the windows. On its wooden frame were carved ornamental pattersn which reminded her of the forest, the curving tendrils of wild rose... Crestwood, where stood the large stone statues of two deer, the scent of centuries-old flowers, the emerald sparkling of the leaves in the moonlit clearing, when she experienced happiness never felt before. It had flown through her like a white bird through the deep blue sky.

 

And then... it was broken. Like a mirror. Falling apart to thousands of glimmering shards which are very hard to put back together. These shards cut her deep, and she was still bleeding. It was so unexpected. Everything changed in one moment, as if a storm over the silent ocean where there were no clouds before. Her warm, beutiful calmness mingled with excitement turned into dark desperation. Her mind cried for answers, but only silence answered. The soothing didn't come.

 

_"What had been golden turned black,"_ she thought cynically and bitterly. _Now I am quoting the Chant of the Light. Nice. Sera would be proud of me._

 

She was looking into the mirror for a long time. _Eluvian._ She imagines just walking into the glass and ending up in a completely different part of the world. But it wasn't an Eluvian, just an ordinary piece of glass reflecting a face of a Dalish elf without her _vallaslin._ So what was she now? What did the lack of this marking symbolize? Was she the same person as before? _"Ar lasa mala revas,_ _"_ her vhenan had said to her. _Free from what? From you?..._

 

 

She couldn't stand watching her bare face any more. She knew she would get used to it, but yet she wasn't ready. She turned her face and walked out to the balcony. She wore no warm clothes only the one she usually slept so the cold quickly found its was to her skin, flesh, bones. It felt as if it had even toucher her heart but finally didn't manage to destroy it. She watched the moon which was always full, and... did she really hear wolves howling? It wasn't quite possible, maybe just an imagination. But sometimes she couldn't separate reality from imagination.

 

Like in that dream. When they were kissing. In Haven. She hadn't even realize they were in Haven and that it was impossible because it was so far, and why would they even go there? It didn't matter. The logical thoughts were blocked. So they hadn't existed at at time. And when she'd kissed him... she didn't remember what she had been thinking. Probably because it hadn't been really... thinking. The flood of emotions just swept through her, she felt warmth in her chest and needed a touch. To express her gratefullness, gratitude, and... admiration. An admiration, born from... from what? She didn't really know. She'd always heard that this feeling was the mistery of life, but she'd though that when the times comes, she'd be able to solve it. No. It had been so complex and overwhelming. It still was. This is why the loss hurted so much. Tearing such a deep attachment leaves deep wounds.

 

And later, the real kiss. Here, in the balcony. Real... was the previous one not real? It _felt_ real. There was no difference. Actually, there was none.

 

Because it was all only a dream... Wasn't it?

 

The latest days she felt like it all hadn't happened, as if it'd been just an imagination. She even wished if it was so. But no... Everything that happens to you shapes the person you are now. So she had to bear the pain and build from it...

 

She watched the high, snowy ridges of the Frostbacks, standing majestic and immovable against the perpetual wind. She could gather strength from them. Her future was dim, but the cold and snow crusting the forests never ceased to rest there and the stone stood all the same. Now she would have to be like a stone, hard, undefeatable and shining like a diamond. An example. A leader cannot show weakness.

 

She went back to the calming warmth of her chamber and climbed into her bed, curling under the blanket and shuddering for a long time. Than she let herself sink into the unconsciosness, the deep, thoughtless darkness, previously telling herself that she can do this. She can be strong. The stone stays in one piece even if one little part of it was incorrigibly broken.

 

_The dawn will come._


End file.
